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‘I think it’s so crooked that we give each other bottles of drink without embarrassment, but don’t dare to share that we sometimes take a pill at a party’

‘I had my first hard drug experiences at Spuiten & Slikken. Before that, I was kind of a good girl. I can still remember my first time MDMA like it was yesterday: I was not concerned with anything other than the music and the people around me. I felt an intense love for all of them. It was as if my senses were much more attuned, I experienced the world differently.

Mushrooms came into my life a little later. For that you have to be able to surrender yourself fully and it took me a while before I dared to do so. It’s bizarre that your brain can make the world so beautiful, but so dark at times – because that can happen as well. With psychedelics you become one with nature, something as simple as a leaf suddenly becomes the most wondrous thing in the world. I’d wager I took some of that appreciation for natural beauty with me into daily life. Those experiences may very well have affected my sense of reality.

  When I use drugs it is always planned ahead. My life is quite hectic and rushed, and I don’t want it to affect my work. I also quite quickly feel like people are watching me, or that people are taking pictures, you don’t want that whilst under the influence. For me, usage really goes hand in hand with dancing and partying and with XTC or MDMA. I’ve also done ketamine, and I prefer to do that in a home setting.

It would be great if everyone could be honest about their drug use. Because if we would have the freedom to discuss it, people could learn from each other and the shame surrounding the theme would disappear. I think it is so skewed that we give each other bottles of drink as gifts without a care in the world, but we don’t dare to mention that we take a pill at a party every now and then.

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